


im done with all these motherf*cking idiots in this motherf*cking groupchat

by Prettything_uglylie



Category: 13 Reasons Why (TV)
Genre: (except not really), Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bryce is sadly NOT dead, Clay Jensen and Justin Foley arent adoptive brothers, Everyone Is Gay, Everyone Needs A Hug, F/F, F/M, Hannah is dead and season one and two happened, M/M, Slowburn Zach Dempsey/Alex Standall, god that moment really tore out my clustin heart, it will take these fuckers 3 years to lock eyes alone, that's a promise, they're dating change my mind, we'll see where the plot takes us, yet at least
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-15
Updated: 2020-08-17
Packaged: 2020-09-06 00:40:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 893
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20282530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Prettything_uglylie/pseuds/Prettything_uglylie
Summary: beamerb0i: im not asking for an apologyZachattach: plsbeamerb0i: no i will not say it first( Yes, the summary sucks. Yes, this is a groupchat au. Yes, the title is a Snakes on a Plane reference. )





	1. three (3) adults and too many chaotic bitches walk into a bar

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so I was a little conflicted on making this but ultimately, I decided I wanted to and that no one can really stop me so, uh, here I guess.

**Z_Dempsey added xo.xojess, beamerb0i, jfoley, unhelpfulyoda, cherrysheri, iwanttoridemybiclay and lookatthisphotograph. **

**Z_Dempsey named the group chat _'To Heal For The Better' _**

**beamerb0i changed _'To Heal For The Better'_ to _'Zach sucks at naming things' _**

**Z_Dempsey changed _'Zach sucks at naming things'_ to _'you're a bitch alex' _**

jfoley: I'm content with this name 

beamerb0i: you're the bitch justin 

**beamerb0i changed jfoley's username to 'bitchboy'**

xo.xojess: ALEX 

xo.xojess: YOU'RE SO FUCKING CHAOTIC 

beamerb0i: what did i do this time? 

iwanttoridemybiclay: ThIS tImE? 

iwanttoridemybiclay: how often do you do this shit? 

beamerb0i: bitch i do this often 

bitchboy: OFTEN 

bitchboy: GIRL I DO THIS OFTEN 

xo.xojess: YOU ORDERED ME A PIZZA? 

ZDempsey: WAIT 

ZDempsey: What? 

ZDempsey: ALEX 

ZDempsey: You've never bought me a pizza???? 

beamerb0i: jess told me she was sad 

beamerb0i: and my dad knows a guy 

bitchboy: you're dad knows always knows a guy 

iwanttoridemybiclay: *your, baby 

beamerb0i: quiet bitchboy 

ZDempsey: guys i think this might be mean to Justin 

bitchboy: i'm fine

xo.xojess: Okay 

xo.xojess: So if he's fine, can we roast Clay's use of 'baby' in the groupchat? 

iwanttoridemybiclay: why would you roast that? 

iwanttoridemybiclay: you know were a couple 

xo.xojess: aww, you're a couple! Aww, you're perfect for each other! Awwwwwww! 

beamerb0i: shut up and be miserable and single like the rest of this GSA club we are 

bitchboy: Edgy Alex™ went off in the chat at 12:41pm 

beamerb0i: shut up you actual fucking nerd 

unhelpfulyoda: guys,,, 

unhelpfulyoda: you suck 

unhelpfulyoda: i'm trying to make out with caleb in peace 

unhelpfulyoda: pls stop spamming 

bitchboy: MUTE THE GROUPCHAT THEN, COWARD! 

unhelpfulyoda: foley 

iwanttoridemybiclay: borderline Jensen amirite? 

unhelpfulyoda: i could and would kill you both 

bitchboy: what's sTOPPING YOU THEN? 

unhelpfulyoda: topping me then?

unhelpfulyoda: hopefully caleb 

bitchboy: i'm not afraid of you! 

bitchboy: i'm not afraid to die! 

beamerb0i: i'm the fucking edgy one???? 

bitchboy: shut up alex 

bitchboy: im not edgy 

beamerb0i: (_screenshot.301imnotafraidofyouimnotafraidtodie_)

xo.xojess: This might be nitpicky of me but why are your screenshot file names so long? 

beamerb0i: matches me dick 

bitchboy: me dick 

bitchboy: i'm a pirate 

bitchboy: or a leprechaun 

bitchboy: make your choice 

xo.xojess: If we're choosing who we have to fuck, I'm picking a pirate 

xo.xojess: preferably Captain Hook from OUAT 

beamerb0i: shut the fuck up bitcboy 

beamerb0i: oh im definitely choosing the Leprechaun from Leprechaun (1983) 

unhelpfulyoda: bitcboy 

unhelpfulyoda: I'm choosing a pirate too 

bitchboy: Wouldn't the leprechaun be closer to your size tho? 

unhelpfulyoda: Can it, bitchboy 

beamerb0i: fuck that was a good roast Justin 

bitchboy: thank you 

ZDempsey: if i have to pick, i'm choosing a sexy pirate 

ZDempsey: but i'd really rather not do either 

lookatthisphotograph: i might be with alex here 

lookatthisphotograph: ill fuck 1983 Warwick Davis Leprechaun 

ZDempsey: Y'all wildin' 

bitchboy: old fucking meme zachariah 

ZDempsey: Thanks bitchboy 

bitchboy: valid 

iwanttoridemybiclay: i leave for two (2) minutes

iwanttoridemybiclay: to talk to my mother

bitchboy: you were gone longer than 2 minutes but weird flex go off ig 

iwanttoridemybiclay: and i come back and yall freaking

iwanttoridemybiclay: yall discussing if you want to fuck the leprechaun or a pirate

iwanttoridemybiclay: and roasting my boyfriend 

ZDempsey: I hate to be the one to ask this,,, 

ZDempsey: But why does Justin know you've been gone longer? 

beamerb0i: oh,,, you know,,, 

bitchboy: time passes real slow when you're sitting in your boyfriend's bed,

bitchboy: buck ass naked

bitchboy: with only the groupchat as company 

ZDempsey: Damn,,, I hate that I need to know that 

xo.xojess: i want thatttttttttt 

bitchboy: me waiting naked in your bed? 

iwanttoridemybiclay: you arent getting that 

xo.xojess: No, a relationship!!!!

bitchboy: Aww, clays getting jealous 

Cherrysheri: When he gets jealous <3 #justgirlythings

beamerb0i: When he gets jealous and beats the shit out of you <3 #justgirlythings

iwanttoridemybiclay: i'm not jealous!!! 

iwanttoridemybiclay: im just protective 

iwanttoridemybiclay: and you guys have a history together! 

iwanttoridemybiclay: so its not completely uncalled for! 

bitchboy: yeah i guess 

xo.xojess: Yeah, Clay, but it's a history for a reason 

bitchboy: thats also a history 

bitchboy: so theres nothing there anymore, were just friends 

bitchboy: i'm a little in love with someone else too much atm 

iwanttoridemybiclay: who?????

bitchboy: you dumbass 

beamerb0i: yall DISGUSTING 


	2. love triangles, huh?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lookatthisphotograph: so i'm having boy troubles... 
> 
> xo.xojess: ooooooh a boy??? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me versus picking things up after not touching it for roughly a year! i hope you like it!

**you're a bitch alex. **

lookatthisphotograph: so i'm having boy troubles... 

xo.xojess: ooooooh a boy??? 

beamerb0i: boy troubles in a 'his body won't fit in the trashcan' way or a 'i caught feelings' way? 

lookatthisphotograph: the latter 

beamerb0i: then i'm of no help

bitchboy: BABY GAYS BABY GAYS 

iwanttoridemybiclay: who, tyler? 

bitchboy: CLAYYYYY BABY GAYS BABY GAYS

unhelpfulyoda: your boyfriend was literally my baby gay come on now justin

bitchboy: BABYGAYSBABYGAYSBABYGAYS

ZDempsey: who do you have feelings for, tyler? 

lookatthisphotograph: oh yeah... 

* * *

**pm between foley and clayyyy. **

foley: you aren't excited enough about tyler liking a boy and baby gayism 

clayyyy: Because i'm nervous about where this is going

foley: what do you mean? 

clayyyy: you team zach or team tyler? 

foley: what 

foley: OH

* * *

**pm between tones_ and tylerdown. **

tones_: hey we don't really talk a lot but i hope you know i'm here if you ever want to talk about sexuality stuff and anything else, i'm here! 

* * *

**you're a bitch alex. **

beamerb0i: hey i'm bored 

beamerb0i: who wants to grab coffee? 

lookatthisphotograph: sure! 

ZDempsey: Yeah, I can pick you up right now? 

bitchboy: oh NO 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you liked this! kudos and comments are appreciated!

**Author's Note:**

> I actually genuinely hope you guys liked this! Comments and kudos give me a will to live!


End file.
